Sometimes, no matter how strong we are, we shatter like pieces of a broken mirror too. You try to be strong and when you let that tiny emotion get the best of you, you breakdown and it almost feels impossible to stop.
I guess I'm just getting fed up waiting to be prioritized again. It's hard to break old habits especially when you're really so used and familiar with it. You make excuses for your misery when in reality you just can't handle the truth. Coz the truth is blind and insensitive. Everything just feels so normal to him, but you're just there, like a pretending mute, not being able to tell all the fuckery you've been feeling and suppressing. Why you choose to be in that state is because of one reason: YOU'RE SCARED. Scared that if he finds out what's plaguing you, it would also trigger his senses that there's really something wrong. Everything would just be messier and more complicated as it is.
Are things just being played slowly, prolonging the agony? I'd rather face one swift blow. Slow, fast, the impact is just gonna be the same.
-Nel
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