Tales from beyond and back...

Jan Eleonor & THE ROTTEN POTATO HEAD... Lady Demon!

Quitting is never an option but unfortunate events conspire you to reconsider giving up. Holding on to something that's already a few centimeters away from the trash bin is a waste of time.

I'm supposed to be doing something better. It feels like I've been so broke and ended up bankrupt that from living in the penthouse of a condo I went crashing down to the slums. I will never get used to this even if a bright finish line is waiting for me at the end of this hell hole. Coz I know that before I reach the end, I have to endure the pain of suffering and battling with the monsters inside my head.

PSYCHACHE.

What am I supposed to do now? Look for something better? But how will I do that if I am stuck in this preposterous situation?

A lady demon put me in this state just to save her ass from coming home to where she truly belongs. She kept on pushing in her horns but it's still very visible, even if she covers it up with a big shiny halo. You're a demon and you know it. No matter how hard you try to suppress it, your evil ways naturally comes out. What's inside you is nothing different than Satan himself. FUCK YOU, FUCK ALL OF THIS.

"Without suffering there'd be no compassion."

Why the hell am I suffering when all the while you are sitting there in your make believe throne? You do not deserve all this glory, you only deserve a big bag of shit. You stole everything from the person who really deserves what you took away. Just go straight back to hell and enjoy the pits of it. Might as well bathe in the Lake of Fire to burn all false pretense you've covered up in your body. You've played with fire coz it's in your nature. How I badly wish that every stupid thing you've done will come crashing down to you in one smooth blow that you wouldn't be able to recover from all the suffering and pain.

Fault Lines

How am I supposed to save my ass? I am slowly and painstakingly deteriorating. My brain's screaming and telling me to give up, just quit... for it is a much better option than prolonging this agony. Why coerce something you know in the first place won't work? There's a limit to a person's sanity and I'm feeling that mine's about to reach the bottom line and that any moment I am going to snap.

FAST. FURIOUS. FOOL.

I want all of this to end in a finger snap. I've never been this unproductive before and it sucks that I can't do anything about it. Everything is so lame.

I feel so mad inside. Mad inside coz that's the only thing I'm supposed to do, keep the turmoil in. Shut up and pretend that I am so blessed with what they've given me. In short, lie and fool myself. But I know deep inside me that I may be the only one who could put an end to this shit... I am just suppressing my monsters from dominating my emotions and mentality.

This would be the prefect time for Disney movies to come true. Peter Pan can take me to Neverland. Aladdin could lend me his magic lamp and ask Genie to grant my wishes. But as good and easy it may seem, it is also impossible coz it all comes tumbling down when you snap back to reality.

Rebel

So I finally got me my first ever MAC lipstick. I got MAC in Rebel only coz they don't have it in Media. Very fine with me coz it costs 1,000 each. Expensive right? I know that it's sort of impulsive but I've been searching for the perfect reddish plum lipstick since October and this purely satisfied me. This isn't a waste of money coz I'll be using it at work, it is a necessity. Bahahaha. 

Haven't used it yet but here's a picture so you could see how cool the shade is...

Very cool right? So goodnight for now coz I'm still talking about make up and it's starting to be annoying. Ciao!

-Nel

work it out

This week had been nothing but a roller coaster of emotions. One day I'm all giddy inside and out, the next I'm bawling like a widow. Life's pretty fucked up but I'm still glad that this is the only thing that gets me in a good and horrible way. I still feel blessed coz it's not all the time that we deserve 2nd chances to prove ourselves. Might as well take everything as a challenge. 

I know I've been making you feel clueless about my blog posts but as you see it, I'm being a bit mysterious because I don't like bragging about my job. I work in fashion retail and that is all you'll ever know about it. So I'll just leave it that way.

Anyhoot, about that dilemma I've said in my last post, I just figured out what I'll be getting me tomorrow. I seriously want that MAC lipstick in Rebel or Media only because I've been having frequent lazy make up days. Yes, I've become so lazy when it comes to putting make up on my face so excuse my appearance when my right eye shadow is darker than the left side. And I'm just kidding. When I say lazy it means I apply make up in a very slow manner, k? Haha. And I'm just blabbing here about make up, so on so forth.

Only 32 days to go before Christmas and I feel so fucking lazy to set up our tree. Kept on thinking that it's ze boyfriend's job to do that. You know how they say that old habits die hard? Well it does, for me atleast. Bahahahaha. Fine, I'm just making a perfect excuse for my laziness again. Anyways, I feel Christmas in the air when I'm at work but it's a different story when I get home... nope, I'm not being overly dramatic about this one... just doesn't feel Christmas-ey at home only because my sister's not here yet. But, I'm feeling a no-sleep-hello-eyebags-hangover-syndrome-at-work come her arrival on the 10th. Peak season plus sister in the Philippines is equals to low blood pressure and a humongous black circle below my eyes. PANDA MODE IS ON! And my much anticipated Aldo Calcagni wedges slipped my mind. I'm fucking bragging about this one coz they are really pretty. Bahahahaha. Want proof... here yah go...

Pretty right? I remember stating it here that shoes will always be my first love and that bags only come in second. And I said it again coz I feel it's a very appropriate thing to say after showing you this picture. Hahaha.

Goodbye for now minions, I feel a little demented, this blog post is pretty bizarro. Thank you.

-Nel

back on track

Why hello there minions! I know I've been inactive for a couple of weeks mainly because I got a bit depressed with work and unlike before, I like ranting and bitching out about things that disappoint me but it's the other way around now... I barely blog when I'm depressed these days. Guess I really just grew up. Haha. And now that I've sort of recovered already, my fingers are weee-excited to blog again. (Can you feel the giddiness?)

Anyways, I have to admit that I'm still not really good with compliments. It's probably that little flow of paranoia running inside my veins. A customer told me that I look like a doll but I thought of Chuckie's bride the moment my brain processed what she said. Perfect excuse would have to be the fact that I am scared of dolls. They have big freaky eyes that blankly stare at you. Some of them cry and talk and laugh... bottomline is, they're evil and freaky ok?! And I'm gonna stop talking about dolls now thank you.

And right about now I'm having a very superficial dilemma. I dunno what I should purchase first, that MAC Rebel I've been eyeing on or a new pair of sandals? Opinions would be very much appreciated. 

I've to go now, legs are starting to burn. 

Goodnight and adios minions!

-Nel

white flag

I miss those days when smoking a stick of Marlboro Lights can alleviate my almost decaying brain cells. 

Everything's starting to feel really fucked up. Remember that silver lining I've mentioned here, I've loosened my grip on it. And you know what sucks the most about it is the fact that I wasn't really the one who let it get away. I've come to realize that holding on to something I used to like doing is a form of mental torture. I am only coercing myself to hold on because I got so used to doing it that it had already become a routine. 

I feel so helpless and dumb. Is this still worth it? Or am I just wasting time? Or this is just an uncertain line of mumbo jumbo? It even sucks more coz I can't even answer these questions no matter how I put my mind to it. I've put so much time and effort on this but it all just comes crashing down in a single blow. 

I seriously need to end this shit before it sucks the life out of me like a freaky dementor.

Life has become bleak again. Everything will be gone to waste. 

I'm just waiting for a signal to raise my white flag and accept defeat.

-Nel

8th

It's either drizzling or raining the whole day but I like it. At least it's a few degrees colder. Been feeling like a roasted pig on fire because of the madness that is of the sun and I was more than happy to wake up in a better weather this morning. Rain actually isn't that scary when it sounds tranquil. Thank you Ondoy for scaring the shit out of us and wishing for drought to stay a little longer than it's supposed to be.

Anyway, about my tattoo date post last night, my boyfriend, my very very good and loyal loving boyfriend surprised me and paid for my ink. He came up with this great idea last night while we were planning our tattoo date via FB chat. Haha. Yes, I know it's lame but you have to be considerate because that is our only access when he's at work. Anyhoot, it was really funny because I was PMS-ing this afternoon but he thought I was having a tantrum coz my face was very placid while I was harassing my sister's iPad. So after his bloody session he whispered that he'd pay for my tattoo because I am in such a foul mood... also told me that he already planned it last night and just waited for the fangs of envy to bite my neck. See how good he is to me? Bahaha. But still babe you are very very nice to me amidst my mood swings. Thank you, I love you. Yes I am being cheesy here, I don't care. ^____^

So here is my new ink...

That crescent moon you see beside it is an old one, and it glows under a black light, or blue light, er whatever you call that stupid light. They fit together perfectly. 

If anyone of you guys or girls wants to get inked just text me or DM me and I'll give you our artist's number.

Adios for now I have to go give myself a pedicure. Goodnight!

-Nel

fewer than few

Has it been ages since my last post? Hehe.

Anyhoot, things had been running smoothly. My silver lining is starting to give me positive vibes. So far, I am quite satisfied with what I have now. It's really weird how dreadful things could turn out to be the opposite of what you're expecting. And now is the right time to prove myself of being worthy to where they've put me. Thank you so much.

On the other side of things... RD tomorrow and guess where I'll be going on a date with ze boyfriend? The tattoo parlor. Now this isn't something new. But, I'm still not sure if I'll be getting me some new ink again, coz, I am so broke this week. Payday's a few days away and I have to trap my money inside my wallet or else I'll be suffering next month. I've been dying to get me a wrist tattoo last month and now that it had finally arrived I'm having second thoughts about it, only because of money matters. Anyhow, here's a picture of what I wanted to get inked on me...

I chose this so that everytime I'm feeling down, this will be a reminder that I should always hold on to faith and let things run as it's supposed to be. Faith in me and faith in HIM. And now I'm wanting to get inked badly again. Well, whatever floats my boat tomorrow.

Adios minions. Goodnight!

-Nel