The last quarter of 2017 unexpectedly had a surprising plot twist.
I have been asking for a serious turn of events since forever and I guess this has got to be it. It happened so fast that I still cannot totally grasp it. All I know is that it really left me overwhelmed. I sometimes even think that I do not deserve all of this because I know to my very core that I am not a nice person. I did not even let people know about it because I got so scared that if gets spread out and everybody finds out, it would not push through. I do have that way of thinking, not to tell anybody unless it is 100% confirmed and happening. Only my family and boyfriend were in the know.
I hustled silently to go through it. I even had to tell excuses and lies as to why I have been spontaneously filing for VL at work. I was that scared, not only because of my negative thinking , but also because of the people who I know will have a lot of negative things to say about me. I didn't want to hear these people judge me based on my lifestyle; that I have gotten this far only because we are able to afford it. The reason never being - because she worked hard for it or maybe she is smart enough to be qualified. These people will just choose to dwell on their insecurities and instead of a good pat in your back, they opt to stab you; because the latter will feed their egos more, thinking that they are still better.
It's actually really funny that some of them felt offended when they found out that I chose to keep this as a secret. Am I obliged to share every little thing that's going on in my life just to satisfy your futility? Haven't you done enough stabbing? Have I not bled enough unconsciously?
I am off to start a new chapter of my life and I hope that you will not be a part of it anymore.
I worked and prayed hard for whatever is coming next.
If you think this post is about you, it probably is. If the shoes fits, feel free to wear it.
-Nel
