white flag

I miss those days when smoking a stick of Marlboro Lights can alleviate my almost decaying brain cells. 

Everything's starting to feel really fucked up. Remember that silver lining I've mentioned here, I've loosened my grip on it. And you know what sucks the most about it is the fact that I wasn't really the one who let it get away. I've come to realize that holding on to something I used to like doing is a form of mental torture. I am only coercing myself to hold on because I got so used to doing it that it had already become a routine. 

I feel so helpless and dumb. Is this still worth it? Or am I just wasting time? Or this is just an uncertain line of mumbo jumbo? It even sucks more coz I can't even answer these questions no matter how I put my mind to it. I've put so much time and effort on this but it all just comes crashing down in a single blow. 

I seriously need to end this shit before it sucks the life out of me like a freaky dementor.

Life has become bleak again. Everything will be gone to waste. 

I'm just waiting for a signal to raise my white flag and accept defeat.

-Nel