Dear Mom and Dad,
I wrote this to tell you how grateful I am to have cool parents like you. I feel so blessed that God made me a part of this crazy family. I know I've given you a lot of disappointments and shame. I may have even failed you countless of times but, amidst these failures and setbacks, I still feel blessed coz every time I fail at something, HE reminds me of you, HE reminds me of the greatest gift HE had given me. A dozen of times, running away from our family had plagued me. Thinking I don't deserve to be a part of it. Every time I hurt you, I feel a part of me dying crucially. I know I've ruined what could've been a bright future for me, but still, you guys are still beside me, picking up the pieces of my life that had shattered years ago... still helping me to recover from the disastrous events that I've led my life into. I also made a dozen promises that I wasn't able to fulfill, but you still trusted me. You've taught me to move on, to start all over again and not dwell on painful memories coz it will just be forgotten in the long run. You also taught me that nothing is ever too late to be done again, that it's always the best idea to make new beginnings. But I've also come to realize that that's what's wrong with me, I start things but never manage to finish it. I always take a u-turn and go back to the beginning only to be left with the sharp fangs of regret harassing me. I am always fighting with my own demons but they seem to win most of the time. I even got used to being labelled as the black sheep and rebel of this family, but you've never made me feel that way, it was always the other way around when it comes to you. I've always felt special and loved. I guess what other people think of me doesn't really matter that much, they weren't the ones who raised me anyway so why should I even bother diba? I know I've been a little secretive with my life since I've "grown up", but I am only like this because I only wanted to spare you from the bad decisions and choices I've made. I don't want to cause you more pain and hurt. Coz to be honest, I myself, don't even have the slightest idea what is wrong with me... I just know and feel that there really is something that went sour. I am forever trying to figure that out. I've always wanted to be successful, to be someone you will be proud of. But, I guess I was too occupied trying to be one and ended up being successful in failures instead. I never took things slowly coz I've always had the feeling that time is running out on me. It had become my worst enemy. I've always gone the easy way, and it is only now that the effect took its toll on me.
I wrote this email because I'm not really vocal when it comes to these things. I am scared that if I start to talk to you about these kind of stuff, the strong exterior I've carefully built would come crashing down to bits and pieces the moment I open my mouth. I am scared of my future, I sometimes feel that it will never come. But then, seeing you, seeing our family, I know and I am assured that good things will also come my way, well not too soon, but I know it will come. It is bound to come.
You, my parents, I consider you as my silver lining in my own dark cloud. I know that everything will be fine. I trust HIM, coz I was brought up well. That no matter how many times I fuck up, I know that something better is also bound to happen. I couldn't thank you enough for the life that you had given me. Also your patience and trust. You guys weren't just someone I call my parents, you were also my friend, my cheerleaders... my life coach. You also used to be my drinking buddies!!! You are the greatest blessing HE had given me. Sobrang thank you, the best talaga kayo!!! I had to end it this way coz I feel I'm being too overly dramatic! I LOVE YOU GOONS.
Forever your Ginggunggang,
Janel
P.S.
Goodluck figuring out how to share this on cyberspace especially you mami!!! Bwahahahahahaha!!!
P.S. 2
I wrote this nung monday and I failed to send it yesterday dahil nanuod ako ng movie ni Daniel Padilla and Kathryn Bernardo!!! Fail na fail lang!!!
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