next stop...

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You know how some people get scared when they get really happy, coz they feel that the consequences of too much bliss is the total opposite of it? Like having won the lottery and when you've claimed your price you get robbed and lose all of it. I am one of these people. I get scared when I feel euphoria coz swimming inside my mind is what's going to happen next... What bad thing is bound to happen. It's really cliche to say and admit that our life is just like a wheel. Good thing today, bad thing tomorrow. Just goes round in circles. Irony exists, you can't runaway from it. Only thing that amazes me about this cycle is when you get used to it that it becomes normal to you. There's always that scary part that will surprise you. And on a different story, this may be one of the reasons why I hate surprises. Not that I'm being a pessimist, but it's just a consistent phase. But on a brighter side, there is always a silver lining. After the good, follows the bad, then it turns to good again. Simple as a chess board, there's the white part and beside it is the black one. Vice versa. And there's always that tiny hope in wishing for things to get better. And I'm pretty sure that things will really get better at the end. If the good doesn't last, keep in mind that the bad doesn't either.  If tomorrow doesn't get better, there's 365 days in a year, you've lots of time to wait and hope for it. If it gets bad now, just let it linger for a while, it shall pass. I've gotten so used to this, that it doesn't scare me that much. I said not much... Coz it still does and will always do, it's just that the impact of the bad thing had become something normal that I sometimes even wait for it to hit me. 

So as for me, I'd just like to sit nonchalantly, cold tea on my left hand, smokes on my right hand... And wait for things to happen. Never to escape, but wait for it to come.

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-Nel