Work had been nothing but a bitch. Monday sickness tortured me deep unto my very core. I know that giving up is not an option but I'm starting to think that this may be the only way to end this shit before it kills me. And this would have to be the perfect time to rely on make up to give color to my face. I get really pale whenever stress takes its toll on me. I may be losing weight but I'm not enjoying it, but I may be half lying coz my legs are starting to bitch out. But to sum it all up, my best, as expected wasn't good enough. I don't wanna get back to my old habit where in I tend to start things but never manage to finish them. I've left a lot of things hanging in the past, and I don't intend to repeat my old ways ever again. I just feel like I am going to work because I have to, not because I want to... there's a big difference between the two. I want the reason to be the latter but I just can't coerce myself to feel that way. Too many shit happened and as much as I don't want to admit it, I can't handle it anymore. Every thing feels like an endless routine... every morning it feels like I am just dragging myself to work and it gets even harder when I see that preposterous 0.00 staring at me on the screen. A couple months back I want to get rid of idleness but now I'd give everything to have it back even for just a whole week. I need to get rid of all the negative vibes running in my veins. I need to fight off stress and beat it like a mad man.
Time will forever be fucked up. It was never my friend... never will be. I'm always running out of it. If not running out, it plays dirty tricks on me. Every time I want it to act sluggish it goes on fast mode and it goes the other way around when I want it to speed up like a sailing bullet.
Bottom line of it all is... *crazy drum roll*... I had a shitty monday. So adios for now minions, time to let my brain cells relax and unwind. Goodnight!
-Nel
-Nel
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